My room smells like vodka and shame
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
