So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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