Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
