he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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