My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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