The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
