So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
