bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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