dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
