ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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