Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
