What did we do last night that was yellow?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
