when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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