I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize