once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
