Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
