Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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