Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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