I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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