so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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