I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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