I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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