Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
