they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
