I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
