i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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