Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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