You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
