When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize