hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize