did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
