I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
