Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
