I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
