is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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