i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
