oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
