i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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