it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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