this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize