If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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