You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
