He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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