Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
