i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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