There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
