talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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