We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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