Soap is not a condiment
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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