I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
