You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
