A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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