Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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