I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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