At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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