After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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