i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize