I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
