It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
