UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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