i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
