hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
