Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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