I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
