i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
