I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
