I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
