i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ttyl tear gas
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
