My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
