Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
