It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
